For the second time in a few years, I’m alone. And yet, I’m not scared. I’ve done this before. Most recently, my boyfriend and I broke up. That was a year of my life. Not wasted. But a year, nonetheless. I didn’t believe him to be “the one”, but I hadn’t ruled him out either. Prior to that, I lived with my boyfriend and his daughter for a year after dating for two more. That ended badly. Am I worried? No. Because my experience with…. Has allowed me to get past these most frustrating life obstacles positively. With forward motion, happiness, and self care. Let me tell you how.
The experience of these recent break-ups have allowed me to learn healthy ways of moving forward and distressing after a break up, I am here as your guide and coach to “heal” and focus on “self care” At this point in my life in being in and out of a handful of serious relationships I know what I want and what I deserve. As you get older, it isn’t so much about being “picky” about nonsense lists of what is your ideal mate. It is about understanding your self worth, self-respect and self love and everything stems from there.. I am here to show how new beginnings are exciting, transitions in life though could be uncomfortable flow in and out with purpose and divine timing for what is to come. Letting go and being able to embrace the new is empowering. It has been discovered that on average people spend 18 months of their lives getting over breakups. The good news is the time you spend on self-compassion, grounding, gratitude and self-care, people are able to move on. Because eventually, we do heal.
In regard to dating and relationships, I have been able to have experience and learning lessons. Coaching and speaking to friends some key ingredients to understand while dating including the stages of dating and relationships. I truly believe the honeymoon stage is deceiving and if a relationship can last through months of months growing stronger and stronger, understanding each other, knowing what works best in communication and truly are ready to commit and work on the relationship, then here is a possibility it can last. Not everyone that comes in your life is the right fit for you in the long run. Also, depending on how much you truly work on yourself for the better to be the better version of yourself and what you truly want in your life can mix things up either lengthening the relationship or cutting things short.
I do believe that boundaries are important in relationships. Especially for women. Over a year ago, deciding to go fully in more spirituality, including deep meditation and understanding the mind, from a science level and rewiring my through process, I noticed a shift in myself. I was able to stand up for self in times when I was disregarded or criticized and sustain my true power and balance. Also, sometimes you can do everything you can do make something work and it truly isn’t the right fit for you. I believe in many reasons, timing, future direction, lifestyles, communication, the universe. Sometimes the new direction you go or a shift can change anything. The ability to have both partners willing to go the distance is also true testament.
When going through a new breakup, depending on the length, the grieving process is different for everyone, but there is still a feeling of loss. Loss of a friendship. Loss of a love. Loss of companionship. Loss of a confidante. Loss of trust. It is hard in different ways for everyone.
Let me tell you what helps me to get to the start of rising and moving on, understand that it is different paces and thresholds of pain for everyone. I tend to find dealing with any pain dead on and to dive into it fully and meet it and yourself with compassion. I have found that the best way is to acknowledge what we are feeling and accept it as our journey and understand the facts but the reality check to understand the why. Which can be complex but normally the answer tends to hit you hard in the gut into simplicity. Even labeling the feeling, I tend to find helpful and acknowledging it is there. Not shifting or pushing the feeling way, denying, or getting stuck in overanalyzing having it take over your life, the beauty of freedom comes from it. Everything that comes from self love and compassion to self is the right choice, being our own friend. According to one study published by the Journal of Positive Psychology, more than 70 percent of participants took a little less than three months to move on or “see the positive aspects from the break up” and to feel goal oriented and liked they have experiences personal growth. There is no magic algorithm to answer how long it takes. I am here to tell you how to do this effectively for your mind and body and spirit.
Throughout my breakups I noticed continued lifestyle got me back to my true self. But it surprisingly sped up the process so quickly that I felt like I was ready for anything. Excited, accepting of self and others, released, content, at peace, happy and open to what is to come. Even though I practiced daily, fully going all in on yourself and committed practices shifted to full commitment to yourself, not a relationship but a new relationship with yourself. Each day is a grieving process, but it gets better. Till this day, I truly believe women bounce back stronger than ever before, even though it seems so hard losing a friend that you spent and invested so much of your time and energy in. Every day in the beginning it can seem like a battle, a battle of getting up and not receiving any of the texts or calls that you used to receive, the familiar voice, a true friend. In the past in my 20s (though a lot older now and more wisdom through practice), my routine before a relationship was slowly forgotten or just blended in with the all-in effort of what was in the relationship. This can happen and the learning lesson is to stand your ground and maintain you and what drives your own happiness. Look at life as a journey, and this is journey is like every other one with more learning lessons and final chapters, to beginning a new chapter. The more we look at our life in gray, not black and fluid, not fixed. We are evolving.